been doing a lot of self improvement book lately and i thought i’d share something that stayed with me after completing “the rules of life” by richard templar.
rule 70 – have a little respect and forgiveness for your parents
“… your parents do the best they can. and that might not be good enough for you but it is still the best they could do. they can’t be blamed if they weren’t very good at it. we can’t all be fabulous parents…
…we all make choices that others can judge as bad or unforgivable or just plain selfish and wrong. but we aren’t there. we don’t know what weakness people have or what drives them. or indeed what is even going through their head. we can’t judge until we too have to make the same choice. and even then if we choose a different way, then that’s fine, but we still can’t judge or blame.
so for the fact that they brought you into the world, have a little respect and forgiveness. if they did a good job, then tell them. if you love them (and there is nothing to say that you have to), then tell them. and if they were appalling at parenting, then forgive them and move on.
as offspring, you do have a duty to be respectufl. you have a responsibility to treat them kindly and be more than they are by being forgiving and non judgemental. you can rise above your upbringing.”
there was a point in my life where all i felt towards my parents was anger. i was angry at many things – for the things/behaviour/skills/knowledge that i have or didn’t have and for all things they were or were not.
but something changed some 3 – 4 years ago and i’m not sure what triggered the change. maybe there is a limit to anger or maybe the pursuit of peace does brings you peace eventually or maybe whatever that clouded my mind then have given away to clarity because i came to realize everything that was mention in rule 70 – they did the best they could, forgive them and if there were things that i disagreed on attitudes, choices or behaviour, i could always choose to rise above my upbringing and do what i think is right.
there were many times during the reading of this book where i asked myself whether life could have been better earlier if i read the book when it was first given to me in 2006 instead of reading it now in 2012 and saying “ah, i’ve got that one down now.”
i guess i’ll never know!