the future is now

i was thinking the other night, while slicing oranges to eat, how it took me so long to come into my own.

as i was eating my orange, i asked myself what is my favourite fruit and i came to the realisation that i like certain fruit in certain forms but my all time favourite has got to be oranges (i used to think it was grape).

i love oranges – sliced or juiced. it has been the fruit that i have been consuming non stop since young.

i only love pears, watermelon, rock melon, pineapple and papayas only when it’s sweet, juicy and very chilled. if there is a chocolate fondue, i would eat it only with strawberries. if it’s part of a cake, i’ll only have it if it’s banana chocolate cake. if it’s a candy, i’ll only take the grape flavoured sweet.

i prefer longans to lychees and i am not fond of mangoes, rambutans, durians and mangosteen even though i consume them in large quantities when i was still a child.

my thoughts then digressed to my 26 years of existence.

i think the years between 1-16, life did not have much meaning for me but i found much joy in my dancing classes. 17 – 19 years old was the years of deep questioning about life and the purpose of my existence but i remained utterly bored by school.

life became much more exciting after i started working. i would sum 20 – 25 years as the years of excess – where i was stretched to extreme by work, studies, paranoia, anxiety, stress, emptiness, poor health, seeking, searching, shopping and social gatherings.

only when i hit 26 years old did i become more relaxed about work, life and myself.

i no longer detest accountancy that much. i just need more practice and exposure. like i said in an earlier entry, i’ve allowed myself to believe that this is probably the most well balanced profession for me because i am more inclined towards paper than people.

all those desires i had about wanting to be a fashion/beauty/entertainment writer has fizzled out because i now realised i honestly can’t be bothered with those things. all those dreams about wanting to work in the media industry have also left me because i’ve come to realise that my personality and character is just not cut out for all these.

these dreams are as fleeting as the happenings in the media scene.

instead, i’ve come to conclude that the things i truly love are writing in English, reading English materials, listening to music of any genre or language, watching movies, creating creative pieces of gifts, cooking, baking, doing charitable works, food nutrition and learning about nature and the world.

i still love photography but only if it’s done for fun because i have no patience to find that right angle.  i still want to learn a few more languages and musical instruments but i do not have the financial means now.

i’ve grown to accept my lonesome self and that i do not love the company of people as much as most people do. i’ve also come to accept the fact that i only consider 10% of my facebook friends as my true friends and the rest are just there because facebook is there.  i’ve also come to love all my contradicting eccentricities because that is just who i am.

i still think i need a few more years to be fully developed as an individual because there are still various aspects of my life where i feel that i am being oppressed, thus hindering my growth and development.

it’s kind of comforting to come to such realisation when i’m just 2 weeks away from turning 27 years old.

for once, i am excited about the future.

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