the tipping point

i was having dinner and my uncertain mind thought about charlie of “the perks of being a wallflower”.

like him, sometimes i feel that something is severely wrong with me but i don’t know what is it. like him, sometimes i feel very down and try ways and means to get some cheer into me again. like him, i feel like standing at the sideline observing most of the time. like him, i’m always panicking, anxious and ready to cry.

something in life bothered and hurt him so  deeply, he completely shut off a part of his memory. he didn’t recover until an event made him remember everything.

maybe i need an event to trigger a meltdown and then a full recovery. the problem is, i thought i have already went through a meltdown and recovered.

hahaha.

gosh, i am so mentally and emotionally screwed.

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