blog after blog, time after time.

i just realised i have been blogging for a long long time.

i started with easyjournal.com when i was 17. my moniker then was slavingpinkmoth. haha. after a few months, i deleted my blog and moved on to xanga.com and made myself known as mylife_21. i’m not sure what happened between 16 and 21 though. i deleted and created new blogs over and over again in easyjournal because i didn’t think it was good enough.

i blogged consistently in xanga.com but ended up deleting my whole blog again. i went on to blogger.com and created prettygreenskies. i got sick of it too and went on to moblog as purpleskies. i abandoned the blog after a few months and went back to blogger, replacing prettygreenskies with a new private blog which i surprisingly kept going from 2005 to june 2007.

i got tired of blogger.com and switched to wordpress.com. i created a blog titled “dark nights of the soul” and ditched it after a few months before settling down on this one.

i remembered telling heng i always end up deleting my blogs after a while because the archived thoughts disgust me. deleting the blogs is my equivalent of burying a part of me and that always provide me with a false sense of relief. i can’t remember his exact words to me but he asked me to try loving every single aspect of myself – good and bad – and accept everything as it is.

i worked on that and have not deleted anything since. you kind of grow more comfortable in your skin with each passing year and this is by far the blog i am most comfortable with. i think this blog is a rather accurate reflection of who i am as a person right now and it took me almost a decade to get here.

i like it.

less guarded, less alone, less angsty and less frivolous. still silly though but overall a better version of who i was years ago.

me: i am chloe version 2.6!
james: neh, make that 26.2. (a reference to the ever fickle, ever changing me.)

the beauty of growing old. 

i like it alot.

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