i think i know what derek was trying to tell me when he said i didn’t write as well we before. it has got nothing to do with grammar or eloquence but i really thought it was. i thought i lost it totally because no matter how hard i tried, i couldn’t get him to say my writing’s back to where it used to be.
i thought my flair for writing was history until charlie commented about my entry “at the end of the world”. he used the word “passionate” to describe that entry and said that he could feel everything i was trying to express.
my eureka moment came.
what was missing in my writings for a long long while was passion. i had that when i was younger until cynicism ruled my head and my jadedness and general disinterest/confusion towards life were reflected in the emails i sent to him.
and for years, i was killing myself over grammar and sentence construction. it all seemed so silly now, especially when the answer is so straight forward and simple. but passion is not an easy thing to put a finger to, eh?
thank you charlie for that moment of brain spark.
and thank you, you know who you are, for breaking through the wall that circles my heart. thank you for letting me feel so much again. you gave me life, now don’t let me die. hahaha.
i love you to death.
now, please just come back. everyone is worried about you.