ren & bella

i am trying to move away from drx skincare products because i am going to move away from doing facials at the medispa because i have decided to indulge lesser in myself.

origins was highly recommended but i didn’t like the cleanser because it leaves a tight/film feeling on the skin after washing. a feeling which i do not really like.

i went on a search for a new skincare range to change to. headed to tangs and came cross Ren Skincare. jurlique caught my mind but it was too pricey so i decided to steer clear of that counter.

it was love at first sight for Ren Skincare. i like the simple packaging and hardly extensive range of products. i love the flowery stuff they used in their products. i’m a very lazy girl so i try to use as little things as possible. i got the cleanser and night moisturiser. if it works nicely, i will get the day moisturiser.

i tried the cleanser yesterday and i liked it!

later in the afternoon, i headed to bellapierre pushcart at suntec for mineral make up.  i’m extremely glad the salesperson was a nice local lady and not the aggressive caucasians whom i usually see manning the booth. the latter are extremely annoying. i was at the raffles city push cart to collect the primer i paid for at suntec and this was the first time i had some interaction with them and gosh, they made me feel uncomfortable and i was quite app. alled by the way they walk up to strangers and ask them questions.

what irritated me the most was their knowing eye contact when i had to wait for them to call up their colleagues to enquire about the availability of the primer. the eye contact reads “hey, sell her skincare and other products while she waits for the call.”

disgusting.

they looked unhappy when i told them i didn’t want any of it.

anyway, their colleagues at the wisma push cart didn’t take any of their calls. they said they’d call me back yesterday but they didn’t.

yikes.

thank goodness, the lady @ suntec left her number or else i will be so stranded!

iphone earphone

is it me or apple earphones are one of the lousiest earphone out there?

gosh!

i’m on my 4th or 5th earphone already.

the latest one lasted barely 6 mths!!!

no easy way out

no matter how i look at it, the period after february 2010 seems like a more comfortable time for dell latitude to come into my life.

alas!

i guess syaiful was right when he said i need to atone for my sins.

i have told him to stuff me with movies so i have more reason to park myself at home and not wander the streets during the weekend.

so here comes weekends filled with bleach, gossip girl, home pilates and a whole lot of movies and books and perhaps, if my mood permits, work.

on a truly depressing note, i’m not signing up for another 10 sessions of PT pilates.

sighs.

where did my rest go to

i am feeling exceptionally tired and dull today.

damn you, sore throat.

damn you, mouth ulcer.

damn you, heavy eyelids.

waste!

this is rather upsetting.

i redeemed 6 movie vouchers in june and i wanted to utilise all 6 of them in august before  starting my new job.

i was so busy during my break i forgot about the movie vouchers and now they have all expired.

sighs.

that’s like a thousand over worth of reward points.

first hives, now bumps

i can’t wait for the angry red bumps on my skin to go away.

it scares me because it doesn’t look pretty but it doesn’t scare me enough to go see the doctor. haha.

i know it will go away.

just that i don’t know when it will.

good thing it doesn’t itch!

noises from the water

so i went swimming last evening at a public pool in seng kang.

i tend to overlook important annoying details when i am excited about doing something until i come face to face with the important annoying details.

as i waited forever to get into the changing room, i remembered i once blogged about how much i hated public pools and i completely flipped when i realised i was supposed to have sworn off public pools.

I ATE MY WORDS!

haha. gosh.

swimming with jenice at the public pool is always great because she is not as anal as me when it comes to parents/kids crowd and slippery wet floors so she comforts me with her positivity.

but we both were annoyed with the locker because it couldn’t be opened and when had to walk half way across the complex to find lifeguard #1 for help. lifeguard #1 couldn’t open the locker so he went to find lifeguard #2. lifeguard # 2 opened the locker and turned to us with a smirk (i wished i could slap it off) on his face.

pui! open locker only what…

pity i forgot to bring my goggles and i had to pay $18.90 for a goggles i have absolutey no love for.

while lounging at the pool, we looked up and saw a row of foreign workers looking down at the pool from level 2. we looked at each other quizzically, laughed and decided it was time to leave the pool.

being in the changing/shower room always make my blood boil.

i didn’t have to wait for a shower stall but i had to shower while listening to a family of mum, grandma and a few kids fight it out. one of the girls was screaming and crying for mcdonalds. the mum was trying to tell her off. she even glared at me as i walked into the shower stall.

and i just stared back at her.

i actually sighed as i showered.

i can’t stand anyone (old, young, man or woman) who fight/cry/raise their voices in public because it’s as disgusting and ugly as spitting or littering or peeing.

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my mind just reminded me of a scene i witnessed at tanjong pagar mrt station many years ago. an old lady cleaner was standing at a corner screaming into the phone because her kid didn’t want to go to school. it was utterly heartbreaking to hear the disappointment and desperation in her voice. at that moment, i wished i could do something for her but i obviously can’t.

all i could do was to worry about this poor lady all day and wondered why the kid didn’t want to school.

that’s why music on the go is very important to me.

i don’t know any other way to fend off external noises from my already noisy mind.

bruise almighty!

i have 2 bruises on my left knee – one the size of a 20 cent coin, another the size of 2 50 cent coint.

i have 1 50 cent size bruise on my right knee.

3 bruises on my upper body.

i seriously wonder what hit me.

my arms, back and shoulders are aching badly.

i guess stretching can be too much of a stretch for the body eh.

you deserve to die

i found ants on my bed, my desk, my books, my towel, my hands, my legs….

ARGGGGGGGGH!!!!!

the fact that it occurs annually doesn’t seem to make me adapt to their presence.

bing

i really dislike the search engine bing – i never seem to get what i want and the search results is just messy to the eyes.

i still swear by google and i love it’s corporate philosophy “ten things”.

it reminds me of zee and everything else i believe in.

beggars can’t be choosers

by some stroke of luck, we managed to get a package deal to berjaya beach resort, tioman at berjaya-air.com. i just need another stroke of luck for them to confirm my reservation.

i have no freaking clue why everyone is going to tioman. almost every quaint resort i wrote to told me they are fully booked. no kidding!

i was very tempted to click on my luxurious jungle living resort but the disparity between 3300 and 1600 RM is so huge that i had to pause and reflect on my indulging ways.

stay on cliff?

i can get my agnes b wallet….

stay on cliff?

i can’t imagine the scary credit card bills…

stay on cliff?

i am supposed to save money….

stay on cliff?

i still need to get myself a notebook…

stay on cliff?

sighs…ok ok, i shall forgo my desires and head to the run of the mill commercialised beach resort.

but it’s the cliff…..

i know.

if this booking doesn’t get confirmed, we’re going to go bang our heads against the wall head to holiday inn, batam. my sister just came back from there and she said it’s not bad!

it’s the second time i’m planning and booking trips and i do enjoy the process a lot. i just need a more powerful notebook and more time to make the experience less teeth clenching.

heading to bed.

i shall leave it to fate to decide if i should

1. go to the commercialised beach resort

2. go to batam

3. go to siloso beach resort, singapore

4. don’t go anywhere.

sometimes, i like leaving things to fate, or perhaps, more accurately, i like not trying too hard to achieve things because when it does happens, i feel like “hey, maybe that was meant to be.” and i do enjoy feeling that way towards most events in life because the sense of awe and wonder makes me more compelled to appreciate and enjoy the experience.

crossroads

i don’t know what to do.

i didn’t want my heart to interfere with the decision making so i told myself to look at the facts and the figures but reality looks depressing.

everything is depressing.

the only motivating factors are all intangibles.

i don’t know how to put a price tag on those things.

the underlying issues of a simple bed

i used to daydream about having my own room or if money permits, my own apartment. i’m a believer in having your own space, especially if the people whom you need to share space with has very different values and belief system as you, who does not share the same attitude and preferences towards most of the things in life.

time alone gives you space for self discovery and self expression – a place for your own little quiet time to ponder and reflect on your own will make you a better and calmer person. this is something i deeply believe in but just because it is a life principle i believe in, life will not automatically give me what i want. life doesn’t always deal you the cards you want and it is up to you to do the best with what you have on hand. lamenting, being spiteful, getting angry, being unreasonable and even getting and staying upset changes nothing but you. i have very little respect for people who expect things to go their way with tears and anger because everyone is struggling already so there is no need to be an ass and add to their pain.

what about my pain?? one might ask. there is a reason why self centred people are never happy because they expect the world to revolve around them. i figure, there must also be a reason why the wise and the truly happy say put others before you.

i have given lots of thoughts over my desire to have my own personal space and i’m quite aware of my constraints. there are days when i’m upset i can’t get what i want now but you just have to accept reality for what it is.

the best solution is to sell the current 5 room flat and get a bigger house so everyone gets to have their own space and live together at the same time without having to compromise on anything. the reality is that no one has the money.

the next best solution would be to buy your own apartment but that too will cost a fair amount of money even though it will be a lot less than the best solution. there is always room/apartment rental but if a person is so adamant about having their OWN things, the day will come where they wish the rented flat belonged to them. i have checked out rented flats before and the rent, depending on where, size and your landlord, it can easily cost you $1 – 2k a month. what about the utilities charges and the other living expenses and the extra house work you have to do. add that to your list of insurance premiums, phone bills, parents’ allowance and other current living expenses – this idea sounds just as expensive to me. there is also the concern that i can’t be of assistance to my parents immediately.

there is a cheaper alternative which is to ask my father to give up his study room but if that was an easy alternative, it would have happened a long time ago. or i could try to make the room i share with my sister a wee bit nicer so that it feels more comfortable being in the room. a room revamp cost money too and i do not have any excess cash for now. i also know that a nicer shared room is still far from what i truly want so if it is not even close to what i truly want – why spend money to revamp the room?

i have thought of enlisting the help of an interior designer to review the layout of my apartment  so that my dad still has space to put his books even after giving up his room. sometimes, just complaining about not having your own room doesn’t give you anything. sometimes, harpinig over the fact that someone broke a promise doesn’t change anything too. go on harping and you will not only not get your own room, you will end up an even more bitter person. so provide a solution -  but i have no money to do that yet.

i know all my constraints and so i try to focus my heart on other matters which isn’t financially challenging on me – changing my attitude.

right attitude, right mindset can transform lives because you will value many things in life very differently. i use to think peace meant beautiful scenary, minimum disturbances and no turmoil. now i learnt that the peace i longed for is stagnation. peace is the ability to stay calm and still in the midst of a storm. my ideal peace does not exist in this world because my ideal peace is not something i can experience everyday while living in a fast paced city.

the chinese has this saying “you will not be hot/bothered, if your heart is still.” if my heart is still, and if my attitudes are right, i reckon the desire to have my own room will bother me less and less. of course, it will continue to be something that i want but it will also be a less painful fact to accept.

i came back from bintan to a very upset sister. she was upset because she didn’t have her own bed. well, she does have her own bed – just that it is a pull out bed and not the traditional bed with a solid bed frame. she has been sleeping in my dad’s study room for a couple of weeks and suddenly it was too hot, too messy and too uncomfortable for her to sleep in.

she told me sleeping in a pull out bed is bad for health and other feng shui reasons which i don’t always believe in.

ok – a proper bed then will eliminate the health and the feng shui issue.

the bed in my dad’s study room is a normal bed but the room is too hot and messy. well, it is hot because the fan is not even switched on to it’s full strength. most times it is at power 1 or 2. i would feel hot too that’s why mine is at power 4. i will keep it at 4 regardless of what others say.

ok – a proper bed, cooling and tidy room will solve her health and feng shui issues.

well, maybe unlike my sister, i have not slept in a pull out bed for 24 years, so i don’t really appreciate the difference between a normal bed and a pull out bed. yes, i’m aware that it is hard work to pull out and push in the bed everyday but since i’m not the one in her shoes, i am unlikely to experience all of her pain.

she told me it felt good to sleep on my bed while i was away in bintan.

ok – you can sleep in my bed. i’ll exchange bed with you.

her reply was “but it is not my bed.”

i then realise health and feng shui issues were just secondary concerns. if one really cared so much about health/feng shui, any normal bed will do because the priority would be health/feng shui. but any normal bed in this house won’t do because it is not HER bed – if health and feng shui was the top priority – she would have gladly accepted the bed and not resort to sleeping in the living room sofa.

where would she put her new bed, i asked? she has drawn a layout. i highlighted that if feng shui was a concern then our study tables couldn’t be placed in that direction. she replied “well, there isn’t much space in this room, you know?”

of course, i know. however, if somebody genuinely cared about feng shui, positions and directions will start to matter when life journeys starts to get tough. it will eventually matter – then what next?

she asked me “how come i can’t have my own bed?” fact of the matter is you have your own bed, just that it is not good enough for you. there is also absolutely nothing wrong in wanting a proper bed but it is not something that’s going to happen over night? even if you impulsively choose to throw away everything that hinders the possibility of having your own bed, there is also no guarantee that belongings won’t increase over time – so eventually you would need ample storage space and a bigger study area.

i got no frigging clue how to make that happen overnight.

i can only do what it highly possible now – offer you my bed since sleeping on a pull out bed affects your health and feng shui.

i can’t wonder what the underlying reason for the sudden desire for the bed. inferiority complex? thus the emphasis on owning a bed you can call your own.

i really don’t know. only she will know and she need to sort it out herself.

it is a really simple request but we are stuck in an unfortunate (actually, the fact that we have a roof over our heads and a bed to sleep on makes us a lot more fortunate than many people) situation.

wanting to eat is also a simple request for us but not so for the people starving in africa. sometimes circumstances makes a basic or simple right/need/desire more difficult than it should be.

i have a friend sk who loves to ask me this question when i am insistent on something – “what’s the worse thing that can happen if you _____________?”

well, what’s the worse thing that can happen if you had no food to eat?

what’s the worse thing that can happen if you can’t have the bed you want?