my word of the year.
progressive
a reminder to myself that things does not happen overnight, a single day effort does not give birth to a life time of success, things will change for the better if i hope, wish and act on it fervently everyday, impatience does not make things happen faster and when all else fail, give it time and have faith!
put in effort + pray, wish & hope + time = a desired outcome.
things are progressing and i will get there.
blog after blog, time after time.
i just realised i have been blogging for a long long time.
i started with easyjournal.com when i was 17. my moniker then was slavingpinkmoth. haha. after a few months, i deleted my blog and moved on to xanga.com and made myself known as mylife_21. i’m not sure what happened between 16 and 21 though. i deleted and created new blogs over and over again in easyjournal because i didn’t think it was good enough.
i blogged consistently in xanga.com but ended up deleting my whole blog again. i went on to blogger.com and created prettygreenskies. i got sick of it too and went on to moblog as purpleskies. i abandoned the blog after a few months and went back to blogger, replacing prettygreenskies with a new private blog which i surprisingly kept going from 2005 to june 2007.
i got tired of blogger.com and switched to wordpress.com. i created a blog titled “dark nights of the soul” and ditched it after a few months before settling down on this one.
i remembered telling heng i always end up deleting my blogs after a while because the archived thoughts disgust me. deleting the blogs is my equivalent of burying a part of me and that always provide me with a false sense of relief. i can’t remember his exact words to me but he asked me to try loving every single aspect of myself – good and bad – and accept everything as it is.
i worked on that and have not deleted anything since. you kind of grow more comfortable in your skin with each passing year and this is by far the blog i am most comfortable with. i think this blog is a rather accurate reflection of who i am as a person right now and it took me almost a decade to get here.
i like it.
less guarded, less alone, less angsty and less frivolous. still silly though but overall a better version of who i was years ago.
me: i am chloe version 2.6!
james: neh, make that 26.2. (a reference to the ever fickle, ever changing me.)
the beauty of growing old.
i like it alot.
out of my system
2 years ago, i needed to read perez hilton almost everyday.
1 year later, i decided i have enough time everyday to only care about lindsay lohan on perez hilton.
now, i only read perez & x17online when i am flat out bored.
i love lindsay but i can’t be bothered to read about her everyday anymore.
yay! i am stronger than my supposedly addictive daily fix. one of the achievments in 2008 that will make me a better person in 2009!
time should be spent on better things and that does not include reading obsessively about celeb’s life!
i failed terribly.
goals for 2008
characteristics to build in 2008
- to be more understanding towards people and their predicament
unfortunately, i didn’t achieved most of my goals.
my health is out of whack, i’m still waiting for the results of my last 2 papers, some things continue to tie me down, i still have not moved beyond cooking instant noodles and i’m still too tied down with work and studies to do any volunteer work.
fortunately, i thought i was a better person in 2008.
i am more cool headed but still not cool headed enough. i have also come to realise my history gives me almost zero rights to judge people and i have learnt to accept people for who they are but sometimes i wonder am i going down the correct path here because the more absurd a character, the lower the chances of me being judgemental. i am like - go ahead! be morally incorrect! go mad! do stupid things just don’t kill yourself and others! sometimes, i can’t help but love the people who walk on the bizarre side of life but who am i to say i am the normal one?
who am i, this insignificant low life, to judge.
i’ve come to realise and accept with all understanding that i ain’t so great either. i don’t mean it in a “i’ve got zero self esteem left” kind of way so chill.
i think that was the best lesson for me in 2008. we all know judging is not good but to fully grasp the essence of this teaching is a different thing altogether.
i’m glad i did.
i think.
it’s going to be a wrap soon.
2008 is coming to an end in less than 30 days.
i feel excited because the new year is coming and that usually means new hopes, new goals and new beginnings.
i hope 2008 was good for you because it was a meaningful and good year for me.
the best thing about wrapping up a year is penning reflective entries on the months that has gone by since 2007 – your growth, your change and your progress and, of course planning and executing the grand plans for the coming year.
me so excites.
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